Warde Manuel: Jim, it is good to see you. We need to talk.
Jim Harbaugh: Why now? I have football practice in 30 minutes. My team has lots of issues that only I can fix. Wisconsin just handed us our lunch and then stuffed it down our throats. I have lots of work to do with the team. No matter what we coaches do, the players are not ready to play. These kids are so different than when you and I were playing 30 years ago. The kids now days are just not motivated.
Warde: That’s what I want to talk about. Your team’s issues are causing serious problems with the alumni, the donors and the fan base. It seemed like the Wisconsin kids were plenty motivated. They were up 28-0 before the mid-point of the second quarter.
Jim: The alumni and donors have nothing to worry about. You are blessed to have one of the highest paid head coaches and two of the highest paid coordinators in the B10. We are more than capable of fixing the issues. We just need to get better players, who can follow the game plan we make for them.
Warde: But Jim, these are the players you recruited. These are your players. These are not players you inherited.
Jim: Yes they are, but they are not the ones I wanted. The ones I want always seem to end up at OSU, Penn State, Wisconsin or those damn SEC schools, who cheat. I have no idea why the players would go to the other schools. Don’t these kids know who I am. I am a former B!G player of the year, a first round draft pick, a 14 year NFL quarterback, a Super Bowl coach. I had two number one draft pick quarterbacks when I was coaching at Stanford. I don’t understand why kids choose those other schools.
Warde: The student athletes you are recruiting were not even born when you played in the NFL. They don’t care what you did. They want to play for teams that play for the national championship and you haven’t even played for a B1G championship in 6 years.
Jim: I just need more time. I also need a contract extension. You know those other coaches are telling recruits I am going to bolt for the NF because you haven’t given me a contract extension.
Warde: Why should I give you a contract extension? You are 0-100 or so it seems against Ohio State. You are only 3-3 against MSU, our supposed little sister who kicks our ass on a regular basis. You have lost your last 4 bowl games, in embarrassing fashion. You haven’t beat a ranked team on the road yet. Minnesota doesn’t count. Your quarterbacks deteriorate under your coaching. Your in game adjustments are non existent. And don’t get me started on the defensive play calling and your defensive coordinator, Don Brown. I am not sure Brown knows what a zone defense is. Does he? And what about the run, pass, option offense you sold me on in paying your offensive coordinator an incredible amount of money. I thought run, pass, option was all one play. Under your offense, RPO is a running play, then a passing play, another running play, and then a punt.
Jim: Warde, you are being a little harsh. Did you forget that we were teammates. We are Michigan Men and Michigan Men must stay together.
Warde: Yes we are, but what about the alumni, the donors and the season ticket holders? What do I tell them?
Jim: You tell them, you have the best coach in the B1G. They just need to be patient. It takes time to build a winner. Look how long Rutgers has been trying to win in the B1G. Building a winner doesn’t happen over night.
Warde: What about Penn State? They turned their program around quickly. What about Indiana? They kicked your butt last week.
Jim: Those are exceptions. You should be comparing me to Northwestern, Nebraska, Rutgers and MSU.
Warde: MSU just embarrassed you when you were a 25 point favorite. You don’t even have a winning record against MSU.
Jim: Come on Warde, You know I can do this. I am a Michigan Man just like you and we need to stick together.
Warde: Your right. Screw the alumni, the donors and the fan base. Here is your contract extension. Now go out there and finish 7-5 every year and show them what a consistent winner you and your coaching staff can be. I am sorry that I questioned your coaching abiltiy. i don’t know what I was thinking.